Tough Answers

One question that to this day I hate to answer? The "Do you have any kids?" question. I want to tell the world about Madilynn. I will always love her and be proud to be her mother, but choosing when to say "Yes, I have a daughter in heaven" and when to let it go and just say no, I don't have any kids? That's a tough one. My answer usually depends on how I'm feeling that day and who is asking. Will I be able to handle the inevitable "oh, I'm so sorry." responses? Or to those that I have known for a little while but didn't meet them until after I lost her there is always the, "I had no idea!" reaction. Sadly, sometimes it's easier to just say no, and move on. But every time I get asked that question, I always hesitate before I answer and I'm sure it doesn't go unnoticed. That question ranks right up there with the, "Well, are you going to try and have another baby?" question. Where I inevitably end up saying, well, we've been trying for 3 years and get another round of "I'm sorry's" and "Have you asked your doctor about it?" Yes, actually, that was the first thing we did. I wish things were different, but they are not. I will be getting these types of questions for the rest of my life......and I guarantee I will always hesitate when I get the do you have any kids question and I will always dislike giving the answer. It's either going to be an incredibly sad answer or a lie.